Interviewing to Join a Gang

Here's one. A wannabe is asking:

I need to know some of the qeastions to join a gang called folk. Can you give them to me?

Huh?

Here's my answer:

Yeah, I'm not sure about that particular gang. The questions I'm familiar with are these:

1) Do you have a good attorney? Because you'll need one to get you out of all the trouble the gang will get you into.

2) Do you have a nice suit to wear? Because you'll need one to attend the funerals of innocent family members and friends that get killed by members of rival gangs who are shooting at you, but are too doped up and scared to shoot or even see straight.

3) Do you have a good doctor that can treat you for everything from venereal disease to drug overdose to gunshot and knife wounds? Because you'll need one.

4) Do have a nice funeral for yourself planned out and paid for? Because you'll need one -- sooner than you think!

5) Do you have anyone to visit you in jail and prison? Maybe someone to bring you some books or something? Because you'll really be wanting someone to do that, and your homies from the "set" sure won't do it.

6) Are you ready to get gang-banged by the big, hairy felons that have been in prison for the past five or ten years, there 1) with no women, and 2) lifting weights? Because when they see you, they're going to think "fresh meat!" That's assuming you don't get killed on the streets, of course.

Don't worry about getting bummed out while being a gangmember. With all the pain and sorrow and suffering, it will seem like that lifestyle just lasts forever sometimes, but don't worry -- your gang life will actually be alot shorter than you think.

If there's anything more I can help you with, don't hesitate to contact me. If you can't get me, you can contact a Friend of mine, a Guy named Jesus. He's pretty reliable, and He's always alot closer than you think if you decide you need Him.



It's not a job interview you're going on. Think it through...


Mark aka Channelview